So the house that rent in has a separate basement suite in it that is also rented out. After the methhead fuckups got evicted last summer, a young husband and wife moved in down there. And one day the couple in the basement suite revealed that they were latter day saint mormons. Suite Jesus! And back then the wife was pregnant. Now they have a baby. The baby is growing insanely fast. It's like 6 months old and its already too big to ride around on a spaniel's back, if of course you had a spaniel with a baby saddle, of course. Another thing about that baby, is that it cries almost constantly. I can hear it through the floor, but its not loud enough to bother me or anything. Sometimes I hear it crying in the middle of the night, but I usually only hear it when the track skips on the Smashmouth or 50 Cent CD that I have on at full blast, or whatever I am listening to while I wait until Chinese Democracy comes out(sarcasm). So anyway, if I hear the baby crying I just turn up the stereo and pour myself another glass of Skyy and orange juice and tah-dah! Problem solved. That baby has a wicked set of lungs on it though, it can howl for hours at a time, I'm actually a little impressed. I'm not a pediatrician, but I think the kid is what the medical profession refers to as a cry-a-cus baby-a-cus. Actually I just made that up, and ... rereading that sentence, that's a really stupid joke.
If the non stop crying is hard on the couple in my basement, which it must be, it makes me think that MormonChrist is not taking it easy on those two. Its reminds me of that story from the old bible, the one where God back in like Flintstones times tested Job by killing his family and burning his crops of frankincense, and made his goats sick or gay, all to teach Job some sort of lesson. The lesson I was never quite clear on actually. Maybe the lesson was like, you know, God saying. You gonna mess with me? See what happens Paco?
Or maybe what the Mormons in my basement are being put through is more like when the 1960's God tested Eric Clapton, or was that 80's God, well anyway.
Actually, I think it isn't like either of those things. And on the subject of unrelated things.
I was clicking through the urbanoutfitters catalogue to check out some clothes. And I couldn't help but notice that all the models for the men's clothes are unbelievably skinny. They look tall, but they look like men with bulimia, which is probably a prospect that we might as well get used to as a society. The men models are so skinny, and my thoughts as I was looking through the catalogue were, "those dudes could wear anything."
Most men probably wouldn't give this much thought, but some men, men who want to be stylish and fashion forward, might give it a lot of thought. The male body image is changing, just like mainstream attitudes towards how much a man should invest in his appearance. There were always fashionable men, but something is changing, and men being image conscious is definitely on the rise.
So what? Here's a funny outcome that I have noticed. I have noticed some of the scenester dunces that I see around a lot are staring to get pretty skinny. Now scenesters, who are by far the most image conscious bunch of trendy sheep, are pretty easy to brainwash. So I guess that innate impressionability and desire to be cool makes them a perfect match for adopting a certain body image. I recall one scenester who I only know by sight. I recalled seeing this dude at gigs for years. Like me he went to most punk rock or indy shows that came through town. Grade, Small Brown Bike, etc, etc. He also worked at the gas station across the street from where I bought gas, or gum, or all the other shit you buy at gas stations, so I saw him quite frequently. As time went on, I noticed some changes. When I first started going to the gas station he was a bit heavy. But he got skinnier and skinnier, and grew his hair out some and dyed it black. Then came the black jeans instead of blue, the black jean jacket, the sweaters with wide black and white horizontal stripes. And the guy got skinnier and skinnier.
Strangely enough I have seen this transition going on with more than one scenester. You're probably wondering why do I care. That's a good question. But anyway, what this weight loss tells me is that some scenesters care less about food than what other people think of them. And that strikes me as funny.
If I thought this way about every skinny person I wouldn't be fairly judging those people with genuinely skinny metabolisms who I would be painting with the same brush. They may struggle heroically to put on weight but the only result is they get funny adipose deposits and look less healthy. And if those poor naturally skinny people coincidentally already liked to have pointy Japanese cartoon hairstyles and wear strange pointy outfits to complete that look, everyone nowadays will just assume they're a scenester. When the truth is they are just bad looking.
Anyway, I'm not against men getting skinny, or even developing bulimia, or doing whatever they think they need to to look good. As far as I see it, if men put their health at risk to be trendy we might see the scenester population taper off even more sharply than the cuffs of their black jeans. And if in general men become weaker and fragile, that should mean that my eventual rise to power will go on relatively unobstructed. So it also offers the potential of my rise to power being relatively bloodless, which I guess is good if you're taking the long view on things. And in the present, while they master being female men I have started overcompensating in another direction. For you see, I have started working out.
I used to be kind of fat, so I started working out. At first I started going to the gym because I had partially torn my ACL, and to strengthen my leg muscles the doctor suggested I ride a stationary bike. I did that for a while and while I was doing it I began to adjust to a gym person's lifestyle. As time progressed I got more into it. Now I go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week, and now I am usually there for about 2 hours. I ride the bike for around and hour, I travel close to 20k. Then I work out on the weight machines. I use the bicep curl, horizontal row, pec and delt fly, pull over's for my shoulders, then I use the inclined stomach crunch contraption for my stomach.
Since I started going I have been increasing the weight and number of reps on each machine and expanding my workout. When I started doing inclined sit ups I could only do 30 and it was murder. Now I can do 60 without losing my breath. I have raised the weight about 10% a month on each machine I use, and the number of reps by 10 a month too. My legs have gotten pretty solid from the constant biking, and I can sprint like a motherfucker now if I want to. I occasionally supplement my diet with protein shakes mixed from a dry powder. I have a drum of the stuff on top of my fridge that's so big you could fit your head inside it.
What's inside my head is what worries me. All of my exertion makes me nothing less of a shallow impressionable shit for brains than the scenesters I was mocking. If I was working out for my health I guess I could say these gains are all positive. But even though that's how it started, what I'm doing now is pure vanity. I care about my health, sort of, but is my health what I am thinking about? Nope.
It might seem like I am overthinking this, but I'm not. I could just rationalize to myself that exercise is healthy, so its a good thing, and it isn't hurting anybody so I should just leave it at that. But it isn't that simple. Every person is a combination of merits and flaws. I am probably a decent person, but that doesn't mean my intentions aren't suspect. And if I am just indulging my vanity, well that's no good. And also, there's another side effect. I think that exercising a lot is affecting my hormones. For the first time since I turned old enough to buy beer my bloodstream has more testosterone than alcohol in it. So I find my own behaviour more often aggressive, competitive, and narcissistic, which are the key ingredients of a fucking clueless and unbearable asshole.
I'm concerned that if I keep this up will I become the kind of guy who goes shirtless in public, or has a bluetooth earpiece that I talk on at all times in public places.
So here's the big question? What do I do about that? Should I stop working out? It might work, but that doesn't sound particularly smart.
Here's what I'm thinking. If you're reasonably observant and self aware you have to walk a thin line between being aware of yourself and what you look like without becoming a shallow self absorbed fool. I hate to say it but for me it has always been easy to veer off into total self absorption. And fuck is that embarrassing when you look back at yourself later. Its funny that the people I know who seem the least spongey brained and the most down to earth do it by walking that line well, and when they don't, they choose to be a misfit rather than a sheep. Kudos to them.