Last week I was walking through a hallway in a building on the university campus.
During these times, when my sea-green/zombie-grey eyes take a rare break from homing in with laser dart
focus on 20 year old girls asses, my eyes will a-tend to wander. All of a
sudden my gaze happened to come across a rather unusual poster
that was hung up on a wall in a hallway. On the poster was a photograph of a young
chap wearing jeans and skate shoes doing something like jumping in the air, with a nice
summertime blue sky making the background, it was kind of a
weird picture. And above the picture was the following quotation.
"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything."
I read the poster more closer, and under the picture I saw that the poster was
a poster for Campus Student Ministries, or Campuses for Christ, or Jesus for
Student Union President, or some such hooskerraw and booshskeroo.
The slogan caught my attention because it is apparently the case that christian slogans, just like
is often the case with sneaky christian music, that it can actually sound good at first, until you listen a little more closely.
Because there is always
something warped in the reasoning.
According to the slogan
"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything". But in my experience "those who stand for nothing fall for nothing".
Because if you don't stand for anything, you aren't going to fall for it
either. As a narcissist I stand for yours truly, which means I am not willing to
jump in front of a bullet for anything. A brave and noble life ...
no? But a person who believes in nothing isn't going to go off the deep
end on too much stuff, and isn't too likely to sacrifice too much or be the fall
guy for just anything. Just like me. I am nobody's
fall guy. Will I die for capitalism? Nope. Will I die for
chocolate easter bunnies? Nope. Will I die for freedom? Tough
call. Probably I would, I guess. But if a grenade
rolled into our foxhole, I would probably just jump behind the tallest guy in
the platoon.
I do think I can see through the motivation behind the sentiment implied by that particular
poster. I can imagine that christians probably don't like the
fact that us non-religious people all are thinking what makes them christian is that they don't think
critically. I suspect they resent the fact that those of us faithless
unwashed mugs are out here, and we ladle out scoop after scoop of our sexy,
shmunshy, sins with no fear of post-cosmic double-payback. And we do it
all with a chuckle, thinking that we ain't nobodies suckers. They probably
realize that those of us not entirely persuaded to join them at church are apt
to think that the very religious and faithful are kind of gullible huckleberries.
So they have a personal reason to want to imply that it is in fact the non-faithful
who are the gullible ones. But no dice pope-meister!
I will make one comment on God or ... whatever, I don't spend much time thinking about it. Is she white, black,
Muslim, Irish? Is she the great spirit of the mountain? the great mountain of the
holy? immortal? peppermint? or completely make believe? None of my
business. Is there a God? Is there a 16 item combo that includes
shrimp dumplings at a Taiwan Tea House? How do you make shrimp
dumplings? To me that's all need-to-know-info, and I don't need to know.
Not my department.
Now on to the subject of music. I came across this band recently and I'm not going to tell you the name, but anyway, I was listening to the album for the second time, and I kind of started paying attention to the lyrics and all of a sudden I started to panic. I heard something along the lines of 'your merciful god', and began the alarms then it did. I listened more closely and I had that dreaded realization that I was listening to god rock.
Do I believe in God? As I said before, no opinion. Do I believe in Christian music, fuck no.
What an irony. I thought while I was listening to the CD, Jesus Christ these christians know how to rock.
But being christian spells d-o-o-m for rock music, well it used to anyway, the music scene today is a weird fuckin world. But being christian spells doom for any rock music credibility to me. Am I intolerant? Even if I am, it's the fuckin pot calling the kettle black. You need to be sexy, and defiant, and drunk, to be a credible rocker. That's the whole point of people living vicariously through you. People want to experience self destruction, chaos, reckless sex, and all that other wicked fuckin stuff without having it end with them personally being the one with herpes, a donor liver, an eroded septum, and ending it all as a pathetic has-been.
So I just can't take god rock seriously, and if there is a God, she probably got tired of music after The Kinks and isn't listening either.
Which leads me to my plan. I am going to start a rock band and I am going to steal all the melodies and riffs that I like from all the god rock bands that I know. And I know I can do this with impunity because nobody will care. Its a victimless crime, like stealing candy from a baby. And secondly, nobody is gonna catch on anyway because the two scenes aren't inclined to extensive mingling. But just in case, I will call my band "The Pro-choice Married Gay Evolution Teachers", which ought to deter the attendance of anyone who might recognize the riffs.
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