At times it almost seemed that I would never see The Mummy Returns. I was working and had a cold and generally everything sucked. But I did, and lets just say, magnifique!
One of the major selling points of this movie is that it features the most electrifying personality in sports entertainment today, you know who I'm talking about. The Rock. Layin the smack down on all the ancient egyptian roody poos.
Strangely, the Rock is only in the movie for about 2 seconds. He actually gets less screen time than a computer generated version of himself. An odd choice.
It also has the amazing visual effect of a giant distended human face emerging from a tidal wave through a canyon. And also, a giant distended human face emerging from pillars of black smoke from hell. That beats your average emerging distended human face count for most movies, by two.
There is this other effect I've seen very rarely, but it is hot as dogs. The effect is a shockwave that blasts a ghost image out of someone, like their soul. It looks so cool and it happens in this movie. To who and when I won't say, but its the Rock and its at the beginning.
I like that mummies are back. Mummies are like zombies but less funny. But they're still pretty cool.
I wish I was a mummy. It seems like the life. Giving people curses, walking around, sneaking up on people then killing them, plotting for the apocalypse, fun fun fun. Shuffling around in chiascurro lit museums emerging from the shadows to go "mrrreeennnnngggghhhhhhh". The new computer age modern mummy is way more battle active. The mummies now do a lot more running and suck the faces off of people who should know not to tangle with a mummy.
The only drawback I see to being a mummy is the constant stream of do goodniks and evil fighting professors of antiquities. It seems to me that professors of antiquities in Hollywood logic are usually young karate experts.
My advice to all the kids out there, skip school and see the mummy returns.