Mostly Harmless

If you're a geek you know what that means, its a quote from the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, one of the few non gay things to come out of britain. Aliens describe the earth as mostly harmless.

What's impressive is that I chose to quote someone other than myself. One thing about having an ego too big to fit even in any novelty oversized hat is that I choose to quote myself rather than others. I honestly find people who quote other people pathetic. They don't have the ability to express their borrowed ideas so they borrow the words too. Pathetic.

I steal all my ideas from others, but I have the skill to slickly repackage it as original and no one is the wiser.

I wanted to write about how I'm mostly harmless, but that is boring, so instead I'm going to write about the most important thing ever, outer space. The first movie I ever saw was empire strikes back, I was 5.

Ever since Darth Vader used the force to choke a useless general over the videophone I have loved space. I'll tell you what, sci fi is the best shit ever.

Look at you, right now your on the internet using a computer, your using something that was sci fi 20 years ago and now its real. Pretty fucking cool. Sure its always better in your imagination, the real internet is a hollow tube full of bullshit and asshole opinions. Just like most people. Its no surprise the internet is crap, its the accumulated talent of shallow retards like me.

But space, baby, space. Big grey ships, giant guns blowing up planets, autobots and decepticons waging interstellar wars for the freedom of autobots and the destruction of decepticons.

Its so awesome. My favorite show is Star Trek Voyager, there is this chick on Voyager called 7 of 9. Holy fuck. I was getting a little tired of Kess, to tell you the truth, but then they brought in 7 and I believe the term is boo-yah! Here's a picture.

This girl is the best thing in the world. I happen to have a full sized stand up cardboard cut out of her. I bought it in a mall in Calgary. Whats funny is that 20 minutes before I walked into the comic book store where found it I was jumping on the beds in a department store in the same mall. I jumped on one bed and the frame broke since I'm 200 pounds. I got the hell out of there pretty quick.

I have heard a lot of people talking shit about voyager saying is wasnt as good as deep space nine DS9, or the next generation TNG of the the original series TOS or the sci fi channel show Farscape TSFCSF.

When is this east coast west coast rivalry going to end. When will all the dickwads and dorkwads realize that all star trek fans have in common the fact that we are totally useless to the rest of society. Accept that fact, and band together to crush the norms, or alphas, or whatever the fuck we want to call the people who use their genitals for more than painting blue for star trek conventions.

If I wasn't so busy doing the important work of maintaining dontshakethebaby.com I would probably try to build my own 7 of 9, like in the movie weird science. But dontshakethebaby is too time consuming, so I had to shelf that project due to lack of funding and any kind of rational possibility.

I may star on a sci fi show, but that tragically probably doesn't mean I will have sex with nerds

Lots of people think sci fi is boring or stupid. They choose to live their lives in the present. The thing is, the world is always changing and suckers just sit there and wonder how shit works and why all of sudden nothing makes sense. Smart people want to know how shit works and how they can twist it to fit their personal agenda of boozing and fucking in zero gravity with a chick from Saturn.

Maybe I waste a lot of time thinking about the future and not enough in the present, but who cares. Most people I know who don't think about why things happen get pushed around in their lives. Misery loves company, so those miserable fuckers go around trying to pass their bad mood onto everyone else. I'm off topic.

Science and space are cool. I knew this girl who didn't like sci fi because she thought there was too much grey. Grey clothes, grey walls, grey everything. I think she's a dummy, but she's right. If I ever have a spaceship the whole inside will be drywall, MDF and that fake wood paneling.

Science is going to save my life when my lungs fall out from smoking while I piss out my liquified kidneys. I can't wait for bionic kidneys, I'll start drinking gasoline just to show off my new beta2000 kidney plus. The future is gonna be so great. Rocket packs, monorails everywhere, drinking in alien bars, its gonna fucking rule. I'm getting ahead of myself.

My friends, our future lies among the stars, either that or our horrible destruction, either way I'm easy.