I just realized today that no matter what I do, some things will never change.
That upsets me. No matter how much I wish and wish, my cat won't learn to cook and clean. But someone has to do it. Its these little fuckin tasks of day to day life that occupy so much time and distract me from what I should be doing.
What can't that cat get a job, start chipping in, maybe make me dinner for a change? But it isn't the cats fault, I presume. Its mine. I love to drink and smoke and watch movies and eat food and live indoors with running water, running electricity and running shoes. But to have all these amazing fucking luxuries and inventions I must pay for them, and to pay I must be paid by someone else first.
So what do I do? I get careers, I'm not going to call them jobs because they never last long enough to be a job. I move from career to career at the speed people can fire me, which is really pretty quick.
So gone are all these wasted days doing someone else's dishes, cutting someone else's lawn, and so on forever. I could have been lying on a sunny hillside, the summer breeze wafting between my nuts and dick, measuring the clouds with my finger. A pretty girl rides by on her bike wearing something athletic yet slutty and I imagine her riding back to me naked carrying a jar of mayonnaise and rubber gloves.
The sun will fall over my hill, I'll eat a sandwich or two, wash my testies off in the stream and rest my head till tomorrow, another new day.
But instead of this I spend my days running around like an idiot doing things for other people so I can have all this crap I couldn't give a shit about but need to survive. Fuck! All I really want is that sunny hill, that pretty girl and that sandwich.
All my wishing will never change this. And all my wishing will never make me a better person. I try to be nice, friendly, careful with people, but I just can't. I'm a loud obnoxious shithead.
All my wishing can't make the world a better place. Not that its really that bad. Sure I get a broomstick up the ass every second of every day of my life by the system, but who doesn't? I guess the system people don't. I have no friends, no house, no life, no girl, but I'm not sad. The police in my city have taken to mailing me tickets for huge sums of money, my bank preemptively bounces any check I write on the assumption that eventually I will run out of money, but the world isn't fucked up.
Every second of the day we have to see advertisements for tampons, detergents, carbonated beverages, and all manner of bullshit, but that's life. None of this shit really matters, but it matters enough. So I will pay my bills, go to work, smile instead of punch, but inside I know that it can't last forever. I have a sprained ankle, a firecracker burn on my stomach and a headache but none of that matters, because I'm free.
There are things I can change.
All my wishing can't change the world, but I can. I'm starting right here, as a rumor, I am dedicating my life to the destruction of everything that makes the world worse. Hear me tide, clorox, javex! Hear me sprite, pepsi, sobe! I am your destroyer!
And someday when I want to, I can go to a hill, lie on the grass, wait for a girl, measure the clouds and dream.